Christians are Perfect? I Wish.

Not long ago, I volunteered to fix a minor technical problem at church. My pastor noticed that it was my day off and said that I must really "love the Lord" if I would sacrifice my only morning off to come to church and fix something.

I suddenly felt like an imposter. Does my pastor think that I live a virtuous life? Well, I certainly don't feel like I do. I'm not exactly "Mr. Nice Guy" around the office thanks to my regular grumpiness and I don't know what it's like to love people the way Jesus did - instead, I harbor feelings of resentment against many of the people I meet. Would my pastor compliment me if he knew how shrewish and selfish I really am? I would like to say that I live a life of virtue, but I really don't.

Some comfort has come to me when reading from the church fathers. Jerome, the fourth century theologian and church leader, wrote a very long treatise just explaining how difficult it is to life a good life - even as a believer. Augustine's writings are full of compassion for those who do not live perfectly, for example, Augustine, in The City of God, says that suicide is a terrible option that dishonors God. However, he first encourages us to be forgiving, because a person who takes their life does so under excruciating circumstances and their decision is understandable, albeit regrettable to us. (Which is why we don't condemn those who have committed suicide, but we do mourn their loss.) These great leaders of the church understood that virtue wasn't easy and didn't expect anyone, especially themselves, to be perfect.

So, until I master virtue, I will continue to volunteer at my church. I will do my very best to show love to my neighbors and to give to those in need. Virtue escapes us, and that is something I am just going to have to live with. But while I'm waiting to get this whole "Christian" thing figured out, I will do my best to honor God and, in doing so, maybe some people will be able to remember me for being more than a grumpy introvert.

The H1N1 Vaccine is Safe. (Don't Listen to Jenny McCarthy.)

I'm not trained in biology or medicine, so when people around me (who are also not trained in these things) start shooting their mouths off about diseases and genetics I keep quiet and wonder what makes them so confident. (This is why I don't claim to understand evolution - it's kind of hard.)

The Swine Flu is a lightning rod for such over confident talk, but, fortunately, since I study at a university I have a colleague who is a biologist and he sent me some information on the H1N1 virus. He lectures on advanced biology and is working hard at fighting cancer.

This chart doesn't apply to you.

He let me in on some research that I didn't know about. This year, 4,600 people were studied after receiving the Swine Flu vaccine and absolutely none of them suffered side effects of any kind. I know that we have all heard rumors that it can make you sick or give you another disease, but these are only rumors and have no evidence behind them. For some reason, our society is very quick to throw out science and, instead, seek alternative medicine ("Just clean your colon..."), chiropractors ("If I adjust your neck you won't be sick, anymore...), and so-called natural cures ("I'm sure that some echinacea will cure that broken arm...").

THIS chart applies to you; although, the symptoms are pretty much the same. That's flattering.

Don't be swayed by the hype of popular celebrities; they might be pretty, but they don't work in labs. My colleague also informed me that this strain of the flu is much more serious than I originally thought and is a subtype of the infamous Spanish Flu. (Did you know that Spanish Flu was also H1N1? I didn't.) This is no place for amateur scientists - let's let the professionals help us out.

The Inflatable Church

No, that's not a metaphor for the emergent church - I'm actually talking about an inflatable church building!

InflatableChurch.com will deliver this church to anywhere in the world so you can have your wedding wherever you want it. Here are some pictures from their website.

God may not fit in a box, but the whole church fits in this van!

I don't know why, but I keep thinking that these two are about to be eaten by the church behind them. It's just waiting for the right moment...

I've been to weddings that were in smaller churches than this, so the seating is actually impressive.

Inflatable stained glass is probably the biggest achievement of this place.

Be sure to take the preacher out before collapsing the church and stuffing it back in the van. ("Dearly inflated, we have blown up here, today, to celebrate the union of...")

Those rose petals are flying out because someone punctured a hole in the back of the church.

I can't help but think that this church is not living up to its potential. They could stick this thing on a lake and have a wedding on a lake. Or, fit it with parachutes and have a skydiving church that is dropped from a plane while people inside go through the ceremony. (Hmm, maybe my wife and I should renew our vows that way. I can't think of any way it could go wrong.)

Also, if Christianity ever has to go underground to fight persecution all of our congregations could just get one of these and have services in out of the way places. Then we could deflate them when the authorities arrived and they would never catch us. It would go something like this:

Informant: "Just over this hill, I saw Christians in a church, a big rubber church!

Constable: "I don't see anything! Who ever heard of a rubber church?"

Informant: "It must be inflatable, like those bounce houses! I swear, there was a balloon church, here! A real one!"

Constable: "Men, lock this man away, he's insane! Balloon church..."

(Found on Oddee.)

Why was an Interracial Couple Denied a Marriage License in Louisiana?

Justice of the Peace, Keith Bardwell, recently refused to give a marriage license to an interracial couple. I thought that this sort of thing died out decades ago, but I was obviously wrong.

Why were they denied a license? Here's what Bardwell said:

However, Bardwell told Hammond's Daily Star newspaper that he was concerned for the children who might be born of the relationship and that, in his experience, most interracial marriages don't last. "I'm not a racist," Bardwell told the newspaper. "I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children."

Would he prefer that this couple have children outside of wedlock? If so, would he also deny a marriage license to their mixed children? Does he think that this couple should just split up because they are not both the same color, or should they just continue dating but never get married?

It's absolute nonsense.

Why are Christians in North Carolina Burning Books?

I didn't make this up. This is an announcement from a local church in North Carolina that is making waves:

Come to our Halloween book burning. We are burning Satan's bibles like the NIV, RSV, NKJV, TLB, NASB, NEV, NRSV, ASV, NWT, Good News for Modern Man...We will also be burning Satan's music such as country, rap, rock, pop, heavy metal, western, soft and easy, southern gospel, contemporary Christian, jazz, soul, oldies but goldies, etc...We will also be burning Satan's popular books written by heretics like... Billy Graham, Rick Warren...John McArthur, James Dobson, Charles Swindoll, John Piper...The Pope, Rob Bell...Donald Miller...

The scriptural basis for this bizarre event comes from a passage in the book of acts:

Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed their evil deeds. A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly... (Acts 19, 18-19)

This church is using some questionable extrapolation if they think that the burning of sorcerous scrolls is equivelent to burning Jazz and country music. By burning those scrolls, the new believers in the book of Acts were leaving behind their old sinful ways. They didn't burn the works of Plato or Cicero - just those things they should not have been doing.

"No, don't throw that one in - that's the church charter! Oh, no! Anarchy! Anarchy!"

That church also preaches quite loudly that the King James Bible is the only authoritive translation. This is a common myth amongst the non-historical crowd. The King James translation is wonderful, but the work done on the good modern versions actually surpasses it by translating the old manuscrpts into contemporary English and bringing the most up to date scholarship to the project.

I don't really have much else to say, but I want to point out that millions of churches are not doing this sort of thing so. So, it would be unfair to think that every Christian wants to burn copies of Johnny Cash records. I like Johnny Cash.

"Wouldn't it be interesting if someone threw Ring of Fire INTO a fire? Hmm..."

Here's a link to the story, here's the church website, and here's the video that's going viral as we speak. Tell me what you think.

We've Got the Dirt on 2012

Pop-culture tells us that the Mayan calendar "ends" on 2012 and that Mayan legend claims that all life will end with it. It's scared a lot of people but the idea is easily dismissed by simple examination.

First of all, always go to the source. There are still Mayans around these days and one of them, an elder named Apolinario Chile Pixtun is tired of hearing about it:

...the Mayan Indian elder insists. "I came back from England last year and, man, they had me fed up with this stuff." ...Chile Pixtun, a Guatemalan, says the doomsday theories spring from Western, not Mayan ideas.

There's also something in the Mayan calendar about a kids show called "Legends of the Hidden Temple." Archeologists were unable to understand their translations until one of their children left Nickelodeon turned on. Three scientists were seen slapping their foreheads.

There is more. 2012 is not the last day on the Mayan calendar. There are few dates that go beyond 2012 telling us that this is not the end of the world. The famous Mayan calendar that stops at 2012 does not say that the world will end - it is going to stop because it is at the end of a long cycle. Just like your wall calendar stops at December.

However, there should be some interesting astronomical sights that year, Wikipedia lists a few things:

• 433 Eros, the second-largest Near Earth Object on record (size 13×13×33 km) will pass Earth
• A solar eclipse on Sunday, May 20
• The second and last solar transit of Venus of the century.
• Total solar eclipse on November 13
• Jupiter will be in opposition to Earth

I think every year has a number of things like this, so 2012 is not necessarily outstanding for its astronomical phenomenon. 2012 is a fun legend but the facts dispel the myths very quickly. Of course, the presidential election in that year might be frantic enough to make us wish for the end of the world.

I Want One

Oh my gosh, it's a backpack that looks like Yoda clinging to your back. I can't imagine needing anything else to make me happy. Everyone wants one of these, right? Not just geeks, right? Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't post everything I think. [Link]

I found this on Oddee's list of cool backpacks. My second favorite has solar panels and charges your stuff while you walk in the sunlight. A poor gift for your friends in Seattle, perhaps.

Thinking Through Church Harvest Festivals

I used to be opposed to church harvest festivals. I felt sorry for kids who begged their parents to let them Trick-or-Treat and wear a vampire costume like the other kids only to be forced to spend the entire evening at church. Since I don't think Halloween is a bad thing, I never understood the point of fighting it. I have changed my stance on this issue in recent years.

Halloween isn't a problem, for me. I'm sure you've heard that it's a holiday for the Devil or that demons walk the Earth on that day disguised as candy corn or something. The truth is, no one can trace the roots of Halloween very well because each culture has its own seemingly ancient background for the holiday. Personally, I've always thought it was neat to have a day when we all remember those things that we fear and put them in perspective. (Which doesn't explain why I dressed up as a robot, one year. Halloween really doesn't make any sense.) Anyway, it seemed like a waste of time, to me, to set up a church festival that socially opposed Halloween.

Worst. Harvest festival. Ever.

But, things have changed. Does anyone let their kids Trick-or-Treat, anymore? The threat of receiving poison in candy has been wildly overstated, but the idea of letting kids wander the streets is less appealing with every episode of the evening news - harvest festivals have become the only safe option for some parents.

It's no longer relevant to use harvest festivals to oppose Halloween, instead, it's about safety and fun. A church or community can work together to give the kids a fun evening without the threat of predators and such. I've slowly come around to the harvest festival bandwagon and I think that they provide many memorable Halloween memories for kids.

These kids are supposedly dressed up for Halloween, but it's Japan so it's kind of hard to tell.

But I certainly don't want to see Halloween go away. I would regret it if Halloween lost its Victorian Gothic identity and the romance that goes with it. So, I'm not interested in toppling Halloween and advocating church alternatives like a social holiday usurper, but I've learned that Harvest Festivals have a lot more to offer than I originally thought - so I'll leave them alone.

OK, THIS is a stupid thing that people do at Halloween/Harvest festivals. Please, don't make your kids do this - it's idiotic. Maybe the threat of H1N1 will scare parents away from this sort of activity and Halloween will be better for it. (Threat of the Flu should ALWAYS deter such asinine activities in the late Fall, but no one cares about their health.)

Acoustic Guitar Rig

I finally put together a pedal board for my acoustic guitar and it has made me very happy. Check it out:


I know, it's not really pretty.

Here's what it does, from right to left:

ART Tube Pre-amp - This was recommended to me by Pierce Pettis, last year. It warms up your sound through a glass tube and gives you nice controls to keep your instrument balanced. It's only $30 and it immediately made my acoustic guitar sound better. Every note is warmer and individual notes have an easier time filling up the room. It's the difference maker.

2 - Behringer EQ Pedal (EQ700) - I use this for a volume boost. I'd like to replace it with a sturdier model but this very cheap one from Behringer does the trick. When you have to play a guitar solo on the acoustic it can be difficult to be heard, so a pedal to boost the volume can be a must. I enjoy boosting my volume by adjusting the individual frequencies to keep the volume change from being too obtrusive.

3 - Dean Markley Chromatic Tuner (PT13) - Sometimes, the "purists" tell me not use gizmos and gadgets on an acoustic guitar, but I don't know how they get around using one of these. Maybe they know the secret to not getting out of tune, but the rest of us must be able to tune quickly during shows. (I've seen people completely screw up their show by getting out of tune and failing all evening to get it worked out.) This one will work on my mandolin and my guitar, it has very solid construction, and it is the only high quality tuning pedal under $99.

There you have it. Nothing flashy, but it works very well. What kind of a guitar do I play? I'm glad you asked.

The Aspen Luthier guitar is no longer made by anyone, but it retailed from $790 - $1500 in the 80's. It has a cedar top and lots of "character." I bought this one from an older musician who had too much gear and had to unload some things. The best part is that years ago he ripped out the old electronics and installed a sweet Fishman pickup.

My previous acoustic guitar sounded great - until I plugged it in. With my new setup and my old guitar I am enjoying my acoustic performances, again.