5 Ways to Improve Communication with Your IT Professionals

I like my job as an A/V programmer/computer repairman/whatever person in my IT department, and, fortunately, I've left the depressing field of helpdesk support for a job that is more fun. In the process, I've learned a lot about the problems people have with their IT workers and I think these five steps will help the rest of the world live with those weird computer geeks.

1. Don't Insist On Your Own Words

I'm not trying to be a snob, but just imagine going to your doctor and insisting that he fix you "grabber." Then, he asks you if your "hand" is bothering you and you shout, "My grabber! Just fix my grabber and get on with it!"

That's how your IT guy feels when you ask him to fix your "beamer" or your "TV" and are relentless when he tries to narrow it down to something he knows. (I've heard both of those in reference to projectors and monitors, respectively.) In fact, sometimes TV repairmen are almost brought in when someone angrily insists there is a cable problem with the TV - only to discover it's a video cable going into a monitor that is faulty.

Obviously, your IT guy doesn't think you know all the terms, but working with them to get on the same page is not their way of being rude - it's how they make sure they are working on the right problem. (Trust me, they want to fix the problem and get out of there faster than you.)

"Why can't I get a tech guy get down here and adjust the center rim on my rat? I've asked three times!"

2. Rebooting - It's Not a Bad Word

Most computer problems are solved by a reboot. This is due to memory leaks and other problems with your system's processes that cause it to slow down or freeze.

Why not just "fix the problem?" Because, it's a unique problem. A unique set of perimeters caused that problem and you can't stop it or untangle the mess - if you could, it would certainly take longer than rebooting.

3. Explain the Symptoms - Not the Problem

You don't tell your doctor that you need morphine because you fell in the shower and expect him to write you a prescription (I hope). The doctor will want to analyze your symptoms and find the cause of your problem; maybe your back pain is related to your appendix or something else.

Your computer is no different. People often ask me to "change their battery" when their computer is slow, or to "upgrade their hard drive" when data is missing. Unfortunately, when these people jump to conclusions it's difficult to explain that their problem is not what they think. (And, yes, people say things like, "Don't call me back until you've changed my battery!" when I try to tell them that desktop computers don't use batteries to generate power.)

A better approach is to tell your IT helper exactly what is happening. For example, try saying something specific, like, "I am having trouble installing this program," rather than saying, "My computer doesn't allow installations." Trust me, doing this will get your computer fixed faster.

And, stop calling this a TV. Please...

4. Don't be Embarrassed - Even IT People Call Support Lines

Calling an IT professional is nothing to be ashamed of. Many communication problems occur because the pride of the caller is so great that they won't simply ask for help. The phone call will be filled with statements about their own expertise and how this must be a really complex problem if they can't figure it out. It takes a long time to work with these folks, because they don't like to be at the mercy of a lowly hourly worker.

This is unnecessary. Everyone in the IT field calls each other for their relative expertise. When fixing a computer, an expert might have to call numerous other support lines for help with various problems from people who have expertise in each specific area. Computers are difficult, and don't be ashamed about making the call. Just be simple and ask for help. (Like I do when my car is broken. Beyond turning the key to turn it on I don't really know anything. I'm pretty sure tiny men run around on a wheel somewhere under the hood.)

"Yes, I'm sure it's plugged in - I just invented it!"

5. Be Nice

Fixing computer problems is the lowest rung in the IT ladder. The helpdesk worker makes less than everyone else in the field (except for the few of them who fix high profile servers or support other high end stuff). The customers take out all of their angst on the IT worker who receives little thanks and little pay, works in a dungeon with no windows all day, and has almost no hope of promotion. Desktop support is like a prison sentence, and the most common problem is dealing with mean customers. Show some love to your IT folks - they don't receive very much.

Am I Giving Christianity a Bad Name?

Today, Listverse.com published a list called Ten People Who Gave Christianity a Bad Name. It's pretty good, and I agree with every entry. But, it's also such a shame that Christianity has such a dark history. (Remember, I'm a medievalist, I'm more aware of the skeletons in the church's closet than most people.) Here are a few entires that got me thinking:

Concerning Pat Robertson:

...he doesn’t even know how to lie convincingly. He swears that “the spirit of God comes mightily upon [him]” and enables him to leg press 2,000 pounds, though he is 79 years old. This claim has been thoroughly debunked by weightlifting experts, and yet he persists in claiming and not proving it.

He has claimed to be able to deflect hurricanes by praying to God, and stated that Hurricane Katrina was God’s punishment for abortion throughout America (not for Mardi Gras, which would be a little more understandable), thus showing that he did not pray for Katrina’s deflection. He believes that 9/11 and Katrina might be divinely connected.

The hate mongering Matthew Hale, who laughed when one of his followers committed murder, is described thus:

...he calls himself the Pontifex Maximus of the Creativity Movement, which is just another offshoot from the Ku Klux Klan. The church is for whites only, and it has its own bible, in which one finds passages such as, “You have no alibi, no other way out, white man! Fight or die!”

His church calls for a worldwide, racial holy war, to exterminate the Jews and all black people, in order to establish “a white world.” His reasoning: God is white...

And, infamous Fred Phelps Sr.:

He and his congregation picket at least 6 churches and political establishments around their hometown everyday, with signs that read, “God Hates F_gs,” “Thank God for Dead American Soldiers,” “America is Going to Hell,” etc...They picket the funerals of dead soldiers, screaming at the families, even while they grieve at the gravesides, that the soldier has gone to Hell and so will they. Then they laugh...

The entire list is disheartening.

I must remind myself that at the heart of these hateful acts lies simple misunderstandings that any of us could harbor. Not showing love to homosexuals and holding on to foolish and outdated ideas of racism puts us only a few steps away from using our faith to bludgeon those we don't like - just like the evil men mentioned here.

Am I giving the faith a bad name with my life? Or am I using the love that Christ commanded to reflect His Light into a dark place? I hope I'm doing the right things with my life, because I don't want to end up on that list one day.

Did Elton John Just Say that Jesus was Gay?

While being interviewed by Parade magazine, Elton John has rewritten the history books by teaching us that Jesus was gay. I must admit, I had no idea that Jesus Christ was a homosexual, and it's remarkable that a celebrity can teach me things that I never came across in my studies on late Antiquity. Here's what he said:

"I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don't know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East -- you're as good as dead."

(If you take out the word "gay" it makes sense.)

This is nothing new. A recent trend in historical studies involves trying to prove that every person in history was gay. In case you weren't aware, a great deal of amateur historians are absolutely certain that Abraham Lincoln was a homosexual because of his habit of sharing a bed with his male friend as they traveled. (Apparently, a heterosexual would have slept on the floor.) Oddly enough, this group hasn't noticed the gay exploits of Richard the Lionheart, yet. Amateurs.

Well, he does dress like televangelist; those guys always know stuff.

This is, however, an odd departure for Elton John. In his previous works, such as "Where to Now, St. Peter," and "Burn Down the Mission," he seems to criticize Christianity and ask for its removal from our society. He treats the Christian faith like it's something that people need to "move past."

But with his recent remarks, it looks like he's trying to assimilate Jesus into his own point of view - something that politicians and activists have always tried to do.

It would be interesting to have more insight about his point of view and where he got the idea that Jesus was a gay man, but, alas, he was interviewed by Parade.

Texas Abortionist is Threatened - Someone Has Got the Wrong Idea

A Fort Worth abortionist is currently the target of a hate mail scheme that reeks of sinister propaganda and vengeance. This sort of thing is shameful and is not generally embraced by the church - namely, because it does not reflect Christ at all.

I don't like abortion - that's no secret - but an unloving attitude toward our neighbors is absolutely wrong. Everyone in the world who suspects Christians are lying hypocrites will only associate all of us with these foolish attacks because some lunatic is on the prowl.

(Although, nothing in the news article indicates the writer of the cards is a Christian. In my experience, Christians always manage to catch the blame for things like this.)

Someone out there has the wrong idea. While saving innocent babies is a good thing to do, it is not acceptable to do so with such oppressive terror techniques. Instead, take that anger with you to the voting booth, or use that energy to send letters to your representatives. Progress may be slow, but turning abortionists into martyrs is not going to fix the problem - and it's a terribly evil thing to do.

Christ taught us to love. Remember that, above all, and you may reflect Him.

A Blog Entry About Valentine's Day for Husbands.

It's been said that Valentine's day is a Hallmark Holiday that deserves no observation; unfortunately for the cynical and lazy men out there who really want to believe that, it simply isn't true.

Valentine's Day is old. Really old. It's way older than Thanksgiving and is one of the oldest holidays we observe. No, it was not invented by Hallmark or annoying women, as a matter of fact, it was invented before society allowed women to invent things.  (These are just excuses men use who don't want to buy a present.)

If you don't like buying things for your wife, man up and say it to her face. Just tell her, "Honey, I don't want to buy you something even though I know it will make you happy." This will probably never happen because the men who complain about Valentine's Day are too cowardly to say things like this, so they whine about Valentine's Day being "made up" instead.

The earliest Valentine's Day celebrations predate the titular saint and exist in pagan pantheistic fertility celebrations. (Those pagans were always celebrating fertility; that's how we know that they really knew how to live.) As infoplease.com puts it:

The holiday's roots are in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, a fertility celebration commemorated annually on February 15. Pope Gelasius I recast this pagan festival as a Christian feast day circa 496, declaring February 14 to be St. Valentine's Day.

and the History Channel gives us this scoop:

The boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the hides because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage...

...In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology.

So there. It's an old holiday, and your wife probably already knows this since girls always know this stuff. When you tell her that Valentine's Day is "made up" or an invention of Hallmark, she knows better. Not only are you being a non-romantic boorish male who refuses to sweep her off of her feet, but you are also showing yourself to be uneducated. Quite the successful relationship you have embarked upon. I bet when your wife was a little girl she dreamed of marrying a cheap coward who didn't care about her feelings.

Flowers are not expensive. Neither are chocolates. Or a date. Or a picnic or a simple stroll in a park (see, this isn't that difficult). And, what do you get out of it? Hopefully, you already know this, but being romantic with your wife on the right day of the year has many benefits. (And, for once, we don't have to read their minds - this one is on the calendar.)

So, you can either do something special for your wife or, alternatively, be a boring dumb guy. Good luck making your decision.

Are Parallel Universes Heretical?

I never watched The Golden Compass, except for this one trailer that really bugged me. After some introductory scenes, we cut to a university where some guy says, "I propose to discover a world, much like our own in a parallel universe," when a tightwad sitting next to him angrily retorts, "THAT is HERESY!" (If I had written this film, the next line would involve the first guy kicking him into a black hole and standing over it yelling, "THIS IS SCIENCE!")

Here's the trailer, the part I mentioned starts at :50.



Why would a parallel universe be heresy? If such a thing existed I would be the first person in line to check it out, and I would laugh at anyone who thought something ungodly was going on.

First things first, however, I've never bought into the idea of parallel universes, or multiversal cosmology. There's no evidence for it and not much fervor for it in the scientific community. (Not to mention, it normally makes for bad sci-fi - LOST being a notable exception to this.) It's fun to talk about, but I don't think the idea holds much water.

But, what if it were true? What if there are multiple realities where things are different from our own? One well circulated theory suggests that this could create a situation in which God is not necessary in the creation of the world. While this theory uses multiversal cosmology to deconstruct the Christian view of creation, it does not mean that the existence of parallel universes would somehow disprove God's existence.

Pictured: Scientists who opened a door to another dimension.

Assuming such a multiverse is even possible, it's not a problem for a theologian. God's omnipotence is not threatened by time paradoxes any more than than it is threatened by a person moving across time zones; He is still God no matter how His universe is structured, and if He is seeing over a multitude of different realities than it just shows us how grand He really is. The fictional concept of opening up a door to another universe should be as heretical as opening up a door to a big front yard.

But what really bugs me is that movie trailer. Have Christians been so anti-science that people will believe that we would stand up and fight against such harmless cosmological theorizing? I guess so, and that upsets me, too.

UPDATE: Jared made a good point in the comment section, below.  Since C.S. Lewis' classic Narnia tales take place in a parallel universe, it doesn't make sense to say that Christians would find the idea heretical.

Update II (This time, it's not update I):  Just for the record, when I wrote this I put parallel universes and multiversal cosmology together in my assertion.  Obviously, these are not the same thing, but I put them together because the same arguments work for both.

The Great Library Chair

I'm kind of a moocher. If I notice that someone is getting rid of something I run over to check it out like a greedy vulture approaches dead meat. Sometimes, it's worth the trouble - like in the case of my new library chair.

I assumed it would be smelly or broken, since someone was trying to get rid of it, but it's in very good condition. When I was inspecting it, someone came by and told me that it would look good next to a fireplace in a library. I told him I had the same idea. (Then I pulled out my knife and told him to get back and find his own chair; after a brief standoff he moved away. The world of furniture scavenging is very cut throat.)

The new chair fits in with my old misfit chair. When I was growing up my family had a wonderful red chair, and I always wanted to take it with me when I moved away. Little did I know that they really didn't care; taking it was not exactly like pulling teeth.

Anyway, the new chair is great. What have you ever gotten for free?

The Pyramids and the Bible

Brian Dunning's Skeptoid podcast has tackled an issue I've been meaning to bring up for some time: did the Hebrews of the Old Testament build the Pyramids? And the answer is a resounding "no."

Open your Bible and check out the book of Exodus. You'll notice it specifically mentions the Hebrews building supply cities, but does not say anything about pyramids. In fact, no verse in the entire Bible mentions pyramids, and chronologically, it wouldn't make sense if it did mention them as anything but tourist attractions.

The first Egyptian pyramid (I think that the oldest known pyramid is in Malta) was designed by a genius named Imhotep in approximately the 27th century B.C. The concept of pyramid building caught on and the original design was improved by architects and builders who are known to us because they put their names on the pyramids - just like artists sign paintings. (There is generally less mystery then people think that is attributed to the pyramids. Now, the Sphinx on the other hand...) I have a few colleagues who are classical historians, and the idea that the pyramids were built by Hebrew slaves is a good way to make them laugh. The same could be said of any Old Testament historian; this myth just doesn't hold up to simple historical observation.

Let's be honest, half of you didn't know this guy was real.

When did this urban legend start? A long time ago, apparently. Brian Dunning points out that Herodotus, "The Father of History," is to blame. As he puts it:

The story of Jewish slaves building the pyramids originated with Herodotus of Greece in about 450 BCE. He's often called the "Father of History" as he was among the first historians to take the business seriously and thoroughly document his work. Herodotus reported in his Book II of The Histories that the pyramids were built in 30 years by 100,000 Jewish slaves.

Mr. Dunning goes on to deny the historical events of the Exodus, which I think is taking things to far. There is no independent verification of the Exodus, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Some doubted the existence of King David until archaeological evidence turned up a slab with his name on it, and this led to a number of retractions. I could tell you a lot of historical records that seemed unlikely until evidence turned up that proved the record was correct, so we have to be careful in how quickly we dismiss something as myth. (Lest I tarnish a good name, I'd like to point out that I enjoy the Skeptoid podcast quite a lot, but I think this part was a stretch.)

So, let's move forward and not perpetuate ancient misunderstandings. The Hebrew slaves didn't build the pyramids, the Egyptians did, and Christians should be the first people to correct this error.